The Bitch's Cradle II: eLan Vital

***sniff...sniff...sigh***

Dear Jon,

I am writing to you today to officially tender my resignation from IBM Daksh effective on Wednesday, October 8, 2008.

I never thought I would ever leave a great company such as IBM, but when the opportunity arose to work as a VA new hire trainer in a company which is in my hometown, which you know has always been a life long dream for me, I simply had to take advantage of it.

I cannot say enough wonderful things about IBM, about all the people I’ve encountered in my years of service with the company, and especially about you, Boss Briggs, my past supervisors and all the others in VAPS. Your leadership has taken us all to a new level. I appreciate your patience and the effort in providing the team a better learning experience. While I miss my friends and colleagues here at IBM, I feel that it is time to face a new challenge.

Working for IBM is truly a superb experience. I could not ask for a better group of colleagues. I have grown in many ways here. I will always treasure the opportunities provided for me by this company and wherever I go, I will always carry the values of a true IBMer.

If you have questions, please feel free to ask. Thanks again for everything.

Sincerely,

Dale

I am staring blankly at my pc... still constructing the resignation letter I will give my manager tonight.

Yeah it has to be short, well-mannared and not so emotional.

Oh yes I am emotional at this point! Whenever I try writing my resignation letter, my head gives me words that sound like I'm breaking up with my boyfriend. Indeed it feels like that. Almost 4 years of comfort under my company's safe wings.

Okay, so I'll copy a resignation template online. I guess that's the best thing to do.

But my heart is compelling me to write a long and emotional letter. Not only for my managers but also to my colleagues. I'm thinking so many versions....

The HR specialist, just called me a while back. Informed me that they raised their offer, closer to what I expected but not quite. I still accepted it, because this time it's not about the monetary value... it's about the new things I will learn and the new experience I will cherish.

Which brings me back to my doodling.

I have been endlessly questioning myself, am I about to do the right thing?

I really do not know. But I want to know, I am just scared that I might make a big mistake.

I have always had this feeling that I'm all dressed up but I have nowhere to go. Now that I have found a place to explore my capabilities, I suddenly felt scared to jump. I don't want to be a lost ball in the high weeds.

I have 2 weeks left, to finish things for my company. To bid goodbye to my friends and dwell on the memories I will bring as I move forward.

I am back to the wall, it's so difficult to decide. Although I know I have already made one. I am just anxious to finalize it.

The ball is in my court. This is it. I have to take the next step and move on.

I guess, I want to make this decision because I don't want to be stuck here and in the future I'd be thinking, "what if I took the job?"

I can always come back if I'm unhappy there. (There goes my consolation!) =P

It breaks my heart to leave. This has been my comfort zone. This place even makes me feel homier than my apartment. But life wouldn't be as fun without change. I don't want to settle for comfort.

I'll miss my friends, I'll miss my desk and my pc with a pink desk top. I'll miss my locker, the pantry, the entire city of Makati. I will sure miss a hell lot'ta things, but missing makes me grow. Detachment makes me strong and changes make me learn.

One thing is certain, I will always carry the values I have learned from this company.

No matter where I go, I will uphold the virtue of a true IBMer.

They say change is inevitable. But I am scared of drastic changes, especially if I don't know what's there waiting for me.

Today I am in complete daze. I dunno, but I think I sort of made this confusion to happen.

A few months back, I started exploring other companies because I got so disappointed with how things are going with my career. Not to mention the financial demand of having a family and the constant inflation of the prices of basic commodoties, the stockpile of loans, in short no matter how my husband and I manage our resources we still can't save for a better future.

Having said that, I applied at this company which is near our hometown. I thought if I got accepted, we will be able to move back to our hometown and we can finally get a house there like what we've always wanted. You see, we don't like to buy a house in Cavite and still work in Makati, especially now that gas is all up in the sky and even if we commute, it will just drain our energy and money. Living in Makati or any where in Metro Manila is not an option as well. Our year of stay here in Makati is okay, but living in a condo is something I would not want for my son. I want him to at least learn how to plant and play outside the streets which we can only do if we live in Cavite.

So the best step to take is to work in Cavite. 

I did apply. It took me 2 months of waiting and yesterday, I finally got an offer. It was a fair offer, although not what I expected. I tried to negotiate as usual and I am still waiting for an update as I write this blog. But I kinda have my mind set already. I am going to leave.

Oh yes... I was able to write that without hesitation. But why am I anxious to do so? Everything came as planned and I am still overwhelmed.

I feel sad that I have to leave my present company. This is where I first worked. This is where my comfort zone is. I've spent four years of my life here and so many things happened in my life and the people here were with me to give me support.

I haven't drafted my resignation letter yet. I am heavy-hearted about this.

I dunno... I am seated here, blankly staring at my pc trying to create a resignaton letter.

But I can't.

I am in so much despair.

The worrying kills me, but i have to have faith.

I am in a deep shit hole.

It is degrading. I feel so irresponsible. I just couldn't admit it to the world.

I couldn't admit it to myself.

When I chose God's path, I chose the tough spot.

I was humbled and brought down from where I used to stand.

I know I can make it. I just don't know how.

I am in despair.

I have nothing.

I have nothing to bargain with.

All I have is faith.

I'm stuck here in the office because the it's heavily raining outside and I did not bring an umbrella. Why do I always forget to bring an umbrella even if I know it rains in the afternoon?! Crap!

Oh well, since I'm stuck here and I don't want to work, I decided to surf the net and find a yoga class here in Makati. Somewhere near my office. A few weeks ago, I woke up and decided that I want to enroll in a yoga class. I think I need it because I need to lose weight and I don't feel healthy at all.

yoga

I thought, instead of spending money on spa, facial and other superficial cleansing and relaxation, why don't I invest on cleansing internally. I heard yoga is not only a way to lose weight, but it's a way of life. It cleanses not only your body but your mind as well. With all the meditation going on there, it helps a person view life positively.

I have no doubts about this. I know that yoga started thousands of years ago. I think this is what I need to flush the fat away and a few bitchiness too. Har!

Recently I had this talk with my boss, and somehow it made me feel that I need a change and I should be the driver of my car. So the first step is enrich myself... and this is the first step.

I really don't know how. I hope this is not one of those plans that I have that never materialized. But for sure I'll take on this. I just need to clear my financial burden, next month I will enroll.

Bikram Yoga Manila

By the way, I saw this nice class here in Makati. Kinda expensive but i think it's worth it and very challenging too. It's Bikram Yoga. What's good about it is that you will sweat a lot because the yoga room is humid and kept at 38 degree Celcius. Woohoo! I bet all toxins are flushed out'ta my body! 

Well, good luck! Hope I could do this. =)

It's kinda rainy here in the Philippines and lucky me my denims are not yet dry. So I rummaged through my closet and found a nice pair of cream slacks. Hmmm... light-colored... oh well, that's fine it's not the time of the month anyway, although i was a bit hesitant to wear it coz I'm quite on the heavy side these days, and light colors don't really compliment my ultimately wide hips... but whattaheck! I'm already late so gotta wear whatever's there.

So much for "whatever's there"! During lunch, I had barbeque and I ate with so much gusto... but not my cream pants... my creamy pants turned into saucy pants.

My... oh my... I'll never wear creamy pants ever again! Hahahah... creamy... wah!?!

If you could connect with one person from your past, who would it be and why?
Submitted by NayNay72.

I'd like to see my nanny. She was still young when she took care of me and she was my best friend. If I see her again and she still wants to be a nanny, I'd like her to be my son's nanny.

Towards the end of 2007 til the first quarter of 2008, I remember dreaming of a tornado most of the time. Actually it all started after I gave birth to my son Joaquin. I was quite bothered about it because it is a natural disaster that can kill and it comes unexpectedly.

Undeniably, I want to grow old and see my son have kids as well.

I consulted the ever reliable internet and searched about dreams and their meaning. Lo and behold... dreaming of a tornado means "having drastic changes in your life".

Today, I look back and analyze how my life have been these past few months. Indeed, changes in my life came like a tornado. But it did not kill me. It made me stronger.

The events that changed my life were amazing. I got married, moved out of my parents' house, gave birth, I lost my in-laws. All these made me tough but somehow it did not change the bitch in me.

Until my boss came to me and challenge me for a 360 degree change.

It is a known fact how I bitch around about stuff especially about work, how I hate the see-saw ride that seems endless and never really brought me to the path where I want my career to be. So she and I had a chat, about work, about my vision as a trainer and her vision as a manager.

To cut the long story short, she entrusted me with a great mission that cannot be measured by physics, calculus or any monetary value.

That is to inspire my team and inculcate positivity in our working environment.

Duh!!!

The normal me would probably say, "That's crap! increase our pay, then we'll be positive! We need to be financially charged."

But I did not say that... not even crossed my mind at that time. Surprisingly, my heart was touched, though my boss hates drama, she somehow made me realize how negative I am as a person. She did not tell me I was, she kind of gave a task to me because I have been in the team for 3 years and I know how to handle them, that made me realize, I was part of the problem, I sometimes start the problem.

And to change a community means changing yourself first.

I should start changing myself first. It's tough!

People see me as someone who's upfront, frank, though I am sometimes quiet and reserved, when I feel like reacting, I'd say my piece and whoever gets in the way will be crushed by my words.

My boss talked me in to it. I am not expecting any promotion in return if I succeed, I thank her instead, because I don't like the person I am becoming.

It may not be New Year yet but I'm taking the challenge. I have started to change my ways at work. I try to promote positivity at work to myself. I just hope they all emulate my example.

I just pray this goes on and I don't get tired. But I still think I'd still be bitching around, although not as often as I was.

I want to be just like my boss.... I want to touch lives in a not so cheesy way.

I'd also like to quote her... this was her advice to me for me to be able to climb up the corporate vampire ladder. She goes... "When you work, you should focus on learning so you'll have a lot of things to offer, put the promotion on your peripheral vision so that you just don't work because of that goal. You work because you want to learn and earn. The promotion is just a prize for doing a good job."

=)

I have been always fond of letters. Especially love letters. I remember when I was in my adolescent years and email or text messaging is not the "in" thing. All emotions were expressed through letters, whether it's a friendly letter or a love letter.

I have kept all the letters I received and when I am in that nostalgic mood, I sit down and read them.

Today, I did the same thing, although I did not read the letters written on paper. I checked my Friendster inbox and read the messages I got a few years back.

Then I came across with the sweetest yet saddest love letter I have received.

Here it is:

a love letter

And it goes....

Message Detail

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From:	michael
Date:	06/4/2006 6:57 am
Subject:	might lose you again...
Message:	for a moment, i thought i lost you... there were times when we hardly text or email each other. i know you had your reasons. seems like we follow a graph-like trend in communicating, there are upward trends and there are downward trends...and when we reach the point when we always get in touch, it's one thing i fear the most. cause right after that, i'd lose you again.i lose you in a way that we don't get in touch...and you have no idea how that hurts. it hurts to play the waiting game. you know that i'm always here. just waiting and watching the clock until you shoot me an email or text message me. i don't want to dwell on the communication thing. what's been done has been done. i'm just happy that i have you again. though not the "have you" way i always pictured the both of us and i guess you know what i mean. i understand why we can never be. i understand that you have your reasons. i've been working on this short message for about an hour now. it's funny how i can't think of the right words to say. good thing i have this thing called the backspace key handy. i'm at loss for words...the words i am writing now are the lucky refugees from the dungeons of my brain. believe you me, i deviced a brand new way of typing. it's called the type-delete- type what you wrote again-delete-re-type again way. i'm sure by now, you may be asking why i'm writing you. forgive me for beating around the bush...i ain't so good about these kind of things anymore. a thousand letters i wrote you have been thrown away cause they would never do...but this one i'm taking to hell and back! well here it goes...Dale, i get hurt whenever i check out your shout outs or your blog and i see you hurting because some jerk broke your heart. is this love that i'm feeling? Dale, would you be mine? i know i'd get hurt again by asking you that question...and i don't mind getting hurt over and over and over again...cause i love you. finally the cat's out of the bag! hahahahahaha! this is suicide! please be mine...please let me know if i have to play shadow boxing in the dark again...a simple SMS would suffice...i know i'd lose you again by doing this...i'm taking the risk...

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